my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
