New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Boobs are out for the taking
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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