I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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