I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
