Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
