is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize