Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
