Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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