If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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