Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
