i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
they're like a gay fantastic four
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
