He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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