your parents love me but you hate me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
