conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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