Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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