My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize