You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
