After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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