there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
