Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
