Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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