just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
