I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
