Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
