I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
