your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
