Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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