Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
