Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
