"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
