the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
