I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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