funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
