Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
