i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
zippers are such a cool invention
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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