He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
