What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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