OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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