She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize