Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
