Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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