I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
