Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
