last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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