i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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