foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
