sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize