Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
