one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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