I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
