maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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