dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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