Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
