i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Buhtt sex?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
