I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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