Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
