So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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