Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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