At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
