I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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