White coat. Heels.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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