I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
