My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
