I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
