Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
