I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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